I accidentally burped into my bong.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Barsexuality is the new black.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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