Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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