he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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