At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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