i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
