roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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