I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
