He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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