I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
