..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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