The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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