Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize