the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
