so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
