i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
