Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
