beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
