Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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