Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
