I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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