Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
