Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
