I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
