no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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