I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Randomize
