Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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