did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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