She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you win again, gameday.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
