whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
