Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
