i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize