Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
