There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Randomize
