I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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