i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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