dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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