they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Found the puke drawer
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
