So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize