No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
