I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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