found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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