she woke up with a sticky ear
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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