Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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