Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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