I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
