Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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