Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize