Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
