I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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