I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
