do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
