That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
