Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
