There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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