pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize