Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
