Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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