ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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