getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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