I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
this hospital has no fireball
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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