I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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