Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
