made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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