Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
