Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
