you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
