make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize