Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
