Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
