lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
