So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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