you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
