I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
