yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
