1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
