in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
