Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
