Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
