...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I want her autograph on my taint
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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