I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
