so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
