She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
