I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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