Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
