Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize