yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
