I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Someone shattered a urinal.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
