you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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