i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
