he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
