Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
