That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
